Groovybabe

Motivation is a funny thing. There are so many external influences that determine how resolute we are to keeping to our weightloss plan. There is how your day is going, how hungry you feel, whether you take exercise, what the scales say, whether you get good or bad comments from others, whether you can see or feel a difference in yourself, whether TOM is visiting… the list is endless. One change in any of this and it can easily make or break your diet, especially if you are a sensitive soul, like me. (And let’s face it, what fat person isn’t sensitive?)

Yesterday was a particularly bad day for me in terms of emotions. I had a massive row with my mother, whom I live with, for treating me as if I do not exist. Now that is the bane of a fat person’s life - being so big that they become invisible. It’s one of life’s amusing little ironies. Normally after a fight (yes, we have them from time to time), I would turn to the solace that is food. Junk food and lots of it. I filled a hole in my heart, you see. With every extra 100 calories that I didn’t need I felt more comforted; it made me feel relaxed and destressed (until, of course, I got on the scales). But yesterday was a real turning point for me because for the first time I didn’t turn to food in my moment of anger and upset, I turned to exercise. I didn’t actually do any, mind, but the thought was there. Foodwise, I did not let a morsel past my lips that was not supposed to and for that I am really proud of myself.

I’ve been doing really well on the food front actually. Do you remember a few posts back when I wrote of my struggles through fluctuations? I went five days or so just staying the same or going up despite not eating enough to do so (or so I thought). Well I have found a way around that. I do get hungry about 8 or 9pm and if I do not saitey that hunger then it drives me to distraction (it’s different from day time hunger). I was picking at fruit, sometimes eating quite a lot because it didn’t fill me up. One night I decided to have a bowl of porridge instead and that really filled me up and took away the need to return to the food cupboard again that night. Due to this I have been having porridge every evening for 3 nights now. I chop a couple of strawberries up and a teaspoon of honey to add sweetness and it is so filling.

For those three days, I have lost substantially every day. The first two days I lost 2lbs each day and today was a pound. 5lbs in 3 days! Of course, it evens out because I didn’t lose for 5 days before. I don’t know what I am doing so right at the moment, except resricting my calorie intake. When I wasn’t losing I was restricting myself to about 1600 (I can technically have up to 1800 per day) and since having the porridge for supper I guess I am levelling out at 1400, which seems a bit of the restrictive side but I am not hungry on that much (as long as I chose my foods carefully) and it is making the pounds move, so who knows!

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