This past week has probably been my most disappointing to date. I haven’t been updating because who wants to read about how people are failing? Not me. But I am failing pretty bad. I’ve gone from 14.12 to 15.4 that is a rise of 6lbs. I am so scared of putting my weight on again but cannot seem to control it. I have had 3 successful days out of five but in the night on two of those nights I have half-consciously raided the fridge. And on the two days I wasn’t good I REALLY wasn’t good.

I keep asking myself why I am not in control when I have had such a supurb sense of control over the last six months and I don’t have any answers. I think boredom is an issue. As is feeling down because of the boredom. But these are just excuses. I need to just get on and be good and lose weight but my appitite is so ravenous.

At least I have been exercising, I guess. For the past two weeks I have been going to the gym religiously on a Monday, Wednesday and Friday. My arms feel solid. And on Wednesday this week I managed to jog for ten minutes straight, when in the past I was only doing 5 minutes in one go. I have also been walking outside heaps when I could have got a lift - despite the sub zero temperatures - so the exercise side of things are really working for me. It’s just such a battle with food.

Also this week, my gym instructor announced that she is leaving next week because she has another job at another gym across town. To say I am gutted is really under-estimating how shocked I was when she told me. I feel safe with her and she has been so supportive and encouraging over the last six months. Anyway I wrote her a card in which I said this and pointed out to her that she has helped me to change my life around. Because while I moan when I am not losing 20lbs a week, that is the truth. I fully intended to write as much in a card for her when I reached my goal but there is no time for that. I didn’t see her yesterday but gave the card to her friend who told me she will really like the gesture (of a card, she didn’t see what I wrote). I am so sad to be losing her!

But back to the food. I HAVE to find a way to get past this struggle. In the past when I was feeling like this I would use exercise to motivate me but it is just not working at the moment. I don’t want to be another statistic who re-gains the weight they’ve lost. If I am not feeling any more in control by Monday I will book an appointment to see my weightloss nurse.

I thought I would relieve the boreom last night but updating my blog. I used someone else’s free template as a base but I have changed it so much I am thinking of developing my own one from scratch. I have done a lot of web design in my time but I have never developed wordpress designs and I am always up for a new skill. Take a look, anyway.

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Posted: 12|15|07 at 1:35 pm. Filed under: exercise, food, gym, mental health, stuggling, weightgain. New here? Follow this entry via RSS 2.0. Comment | Trackback