Groovybabe

Today’s weight: 15.1
Yesterday’s weight: 15.2
Calories consumed yesterday: Unknown - prob around 2500!
Exercise: 1 hour 20 minutes walking

The night before yesterday I kind of knew yesterday would be a disaster food-wise, although I hoped I would be proved wrong. Lately I have not managed three good days in a row. I normally have two good days and then it goes to pot on the third day. Plus the night before I was starving and noticing the effect of being good.

Yesterday I woke up with good intentions. I was tired because I didn’t get much sleep so tried to have another sleep after my son went to school but at about 9.30am I lay there feeling faint. So I had breakfast. Lately when I have breakfast I find it hard to control my calories, whereas if I go without and have a bigger lunch at midday I am fine. Still, I had breakfast and ate well throughout the day. For my evening meal I had a burger in a bun and potato waffles to help me not to need anything else all night because I was doing well controling calorie intake. But from the moment my plate was clean all I could think about was the fact that I had no spare calories left. If I’d not given it any thought and didn’t eat I’d have stopped at 1500 calories but I lasted until 8pm before I was eating everything in sight. This went on for a couple of hours.

This morning I full expected to see 15.4 on the scales again but for some reason the scales are being nice to me and I have seen a drop of 1lb over night. I have taken the opportunity to do a full stat report which I will publish here in a moment.

My recent behaviour has made me realise just how much of an issue I still have with food. You’d think the last six months of eating well and correctly would reteach food issues but it doesnt, I fear they will never leave me: I will always resort to over eating to deal with emotional stress. Of course, that will not be such an issue if I weigh 10 stone and not 19 as I can keep it in check like I am doing now, but it would be nice to think that, if not now, some time in the future I will approach food as a normal person.

I am DREADING christmas now for this very reason. Last night I took my son for a walk in the freezing cold and wind outside so that I could avoid over eating and we ended up at the supermarket to get a few essentials and I convinced myself I could control myself around the 2-4-1 big packets of pretzels. Gah. I go for a walk to save calories and end up BUYING calories to eat! I also have been dying to have some Nutella for ages but I know if I buy it I wont be able to ration it. I am also DYING for some shortbread over xmas but again I know I cannot ration it so I have to avoid it. Its just not going to be a very good time for my son!! But then I know I am doing him a favour by not having junk around. It’s just a tough time all around, although I understand it doesnt need to be. Roll on January and an excuse for a fresh start I say!

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