I just want to be better. I have been having so much pain passing urine for a week now, it is like passing razor blades. I did also have a fever, blotchy eye sight, felt like I was going to faint and was weeing pure blood at one point. That has all gone now thankfully but I am somehow resistant to the meds and the infection does not want to clear up.

I went out last night, mainly because I’d been in all week and was going mad, but didn’t drink. It was my first weekend off from drinking in maybe 6 months. It feels good this morning not to feel like death warmed up! But the night was rubbish without drink. Even the DJ shouted over the tannoy that I am not the same on water!! But to be fair to myself, I think it is more because I am worn down from the pain of this infection than any ill-effect water-only has on me. Anyway, I ended up coming home at 1am because I was just not feeling the night.

Weightloss this week has been a bit of a bugger. I havent been paying attention at all. I just weighed myself (tomorrow is my official weigh in) and I am 201/14.5, which is what I was at my last weigh in, so being ill has not done me any great good weightloss wise…

Oh, in case you would like to hear more from groovybabe in her day to day life, I have started a blog up called ‘groovybabe: life’ its hosted over at my old groovybabe site on wordpress, which you can find here. Please add it to your feeds.

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Starting weight: 14.12 /208lbs
Last week’s weigh in: 14.7 /203lbs
Today’s weight: 14.5 /201lbs

This week has seen a number of highs and lows so let’s see the good and the bad in view:

Good

• I have managed to lose a steady pace of 2lbs this week.
• I have started introducing more exercise to my daily activity again after my recent lethargy (don’t feel so tired any more).

Bad

• I havent been logging what I eat and drink every day.
• I have not been drinking enough water.
• I didn’t go to the gym.
• I didn’t blog every day, mainly because no one was commenting and I lost interest!

I am really happy with my progress so far. I have lost half a stone since I started, which is pretty cool. If I do that 3 more times, I will be 2 stone less and no longer “fat”, it really doesn’t take an awful lot of effort once you get into the swing of things.

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I have not let it affect my weightloss plan though. I am well on track. 14.6/202 again today; I was hoping to be down another pound but I can’t expect a loss everyday! I am already half way through this weeks goal of a 2lb loss and I have another 5 days to go until weigh in. My water consumption has reduced the last few days but I have just been shopping and bought some squash so I should be okay now.. (don’t worry, it is sugar free)

My exercise has taken a dramatic drop of late due to the anaemia issue. I am feeling more energetic but am not back to normal just yet. I suspect this will not happen until I get back into the gym though. However, my sleep is knocked out of whack at the moment too, but I picked up some Nytol today so am going to try to get that back on track tonight, and if I am up to it, the gym tomorrow.

I am cooking a lovely stir-fry at the moment. Turkey pieces, thin noodles and lots of veggies in a soy sauce. With lots of herbs and spices. Yummi. Then we will go for a walk on the waterfront as the weather is gorgeous this afternoon.

Recommendations
http://www.physicsdiet.com/FitnessLog.aspx - log your weight every day and it gives you averages of weight, bmi, rate you burn calories etc… it’s a fun tool!

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This time starting dieting is such a different experience for me. I was morbidly obese, very alone, agoraphobic, living at my mums in a very stressful situation and having about 20 panic attacks a day. If I can manage to lose weight in that environment then frankly there is loads of hope for me now. I live in my own place, don’t have panic attacks or agoraphobia, have a very hectic weekend social life and am only just classed as ‘obese’ (3bmi away from overweight) and I have lots of friends. There is no reason whatsoever for me not to manage it now. Weightloss is not easy, as we all know, and it is a complete battle of the mind, but we also know how rewarding the results can be. THIS is what excites me.

For the record, not that this matters to me one way or the other but is good to have a record of, I am not using Xenical this time. This weightloss is completely natural. I mean it was natural last time, it bugs me when people assume it is not because of the pills, but you just have a helping hand kicking your habits into place. Critics of weightloss pills say the weight will all go back on afterwards or you’ll always rely on the tablets or you don’t learn proper eating habits and while I would agree this is the case with Reductil (which I did try once), it certainly is not the case with Xenical. Xenical is ALL about teaching good eating habits. But even so I am not going to use it just because I can. It was there and very beneficial to me at a time when all other avenues had failed me. I am not in the desperate situation now that I was in then and in some ways that will make weightloss harder but in other ways, easier.

Some people struggle to exercise when trying to lose weight and that holds them back but with me it is food I struggle with. I love food. I am a ganit. I am not fussy, will eat almost anything and in large portions too. Portion size has been the struggler for me. But cutting out bad foods too. Cheese, bread, ice cream, cakes, crisps, chocolate… you name it! I do find it easier to cut out than have in moderation though, and I feel healthier too. So this slightly unorthodox article by Amanda Ursell informing us of bad-foods-that-can-be-good really caught my eye. She tells us the nutritional benefits of red meat, white bread, kebabs, ice cream and butter! Articles like this should come with a warning to be taken with care. It’s all good knowing these can occassionally be ‘not so bad’ for us, but I do worry that some people will take the article literally and use it as an excuse to live on those foods, which would obviously not be sound health advice. But if you read between the lines, Amanda does make this very clear. Personally, I like the idea of ice cream for dessert every night (I actually started losing weight doing this last year!) and do eat red meat for the iron, but I am going to steer clear of white bread I think…

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Starting Weight: 14.12 stones/208lbs
Week 1 WI: 14.7 stones/203lbs

Seeing this new tracker is good. Although I have only lost 5lbs this time around and I am used to seeing a lot more lost, I only have 67lbs to lose this time, which is a much better figure than the 130lbs I had when I started.

John is Fit does a weekly pro’s and con’s to his behaviour the week before and I thought this was a good idea so have stolen it!

My Good

• Every day but one I managed to restrict my food to the point where I lost weight.
• Wrote everything I ate in WLR
• Wrote in my weightloss blog every day.
• Made a conscious effort to eat well - get my vitamins and nutrients, 5 fruit and veg and drank 2litres of water most days.
• I got some exercise on 5/7 days.
• I have mostly managed to curb my sleep-eating problem.
• Stayed away from beer on Saturday night.

My Bad

• I am still expressing some binge eating behaviours now and again. I need to work on this further.
• I didn’t go to the gym because I (think) am anaemic. I have slowly been getting more activity again though.
• Ate on average 35-40g of fat in my daily food intake, would like to lower this to 25-30g.

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I have been feeling (and looking) crap lately. I get fed up not having any new clothes and I was window shopping yesterday (always a bad idea with money in your purse) and came across this most gorgeous skirt EVER! I walked away because it wasn’t cheap but it was all I could think of. I ended up going back to buy it reasoning that I never spend a lot on clothes and I never find a piece of clothing I like this much (I am soooo fussy because I am paranoid about whether I look okay in it) and I was depressed and ergo deserved it! It turned out to be such a great buy! When my friend, L, arrived before we went out she was amazed, she loved it so much!! She told me it was slimming too (I don’t think it is). I started getting paranoid that it made me look fat and then my other friend, J, arrived and was really very full of compliments about it too! I loved that it was a different look for me. Normally I am all in black but this skirt was like a grey/khaki colour and in a gypsy style. When I was in the pub I got lots of compliments too. Even this guy I have liked for agggges who I have known about a year and has never passed a compliment to me before told me “you look really nice tonight, Groovybabe” (well, obviously he did not refer to me as Groovybabe, that would have been more than a little alarming!) I asked him if he was joking around, winding me up etc and he said he was not “I am paying you a compliment; compliments where compliments are due, you look lovely tonight”, he said and added “I really like your skirt, is it new?” WTF a man (I like!) complimenting AND noticing my clothes!!! I told him it was nice of him to notice!!! I do love my skirt. I wish I could wear it out every weekend!!!

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You know what I am really looking forward to? When I hit the 12 stone era because I do not consider that to be fat, just overweight. Hopefully others will not consider it to be fat too. It’s also going to be easier to reap the health benefits of weightloss now I weigh less to. After all it will take less pounds to reach a ten per cent drop…

I bought a jean skirt yesterday. It’s the first one I have owned for maybe ten years. I bought a size 16 because that is what I am, but I somehow convinced myself that there was no way it would fit me because I am kidding myself if I think I am a size 16. But of course it fitted me, because I AM a size 16 (UK, remember). However, it was quite tight fitting and while I think it is passable in the day time I would not feel confident enough going out on the pull in it. It points out my fat, or at least I feel like it does. So I guess I am back to the drawing board about tomorrow night.

Talking of tomorrow night, I am giving up beer again. I am going back to sticking to diet coke and vodka. It didn’t do me any harm in the past and will help me to lose weight.

(Oh can I also point out to those of you who have misunderstood - xenical is NOT an appitite suppressant. It blocks 30% of the absorption of fat from being digested into your body, meaning your body turns to the fat stores you already have quicker to burn off, that is all.)

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I went to the doctors yesterday and once she got over the idea that I was just wasting her time she did order me a blood test for anaemia. She told me she thought it was nothing to worry about though and if my body is telling me to give up working out then that is what I should do! She asked if I had lost any weight and when I told her 5 stone she looked flabberghasted. I went on to explain that this was a very conscious effort and she just continued to look disapprovingly at me! Oh well, I am happy and that is the main thing!

I did well with food yesterday. I had about 1700 calories but I did eat in the night, oddly. I had an apple and a bowl of Frosties plus a few little cheese triangles. Probably came to about 2100 in total. I need 2500 to maintain so its not a total disaster. I just weighed in and weighed the same as yesterday so it is cool. The thing that is most horrible though is waking up and feeling rubbish because you body has undigested food in it. Won’t be doing that again in a hurry.

It is 2pm and I have just realised I havent eaten today!!!!! I woke up at like 11am anyway but then I got to chatting to my friends and before I realised it, it was this time. I am just cooking a chicken fillet to have in a salad before I get on with some work.

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I knew that it was a matter of getting into it again and once I did then it would all be good, but it was just the hurdle of that first initial day. I remember when I started the first time around, I had similar problems. I just could not get into the dieting so I joined the gym knowing that the more I exercised the less I would eat and within a week I was eating less and less. Then I had a good day and I told myself, ‘right, you did yesterday without any problems, there is nothing to stop you doing today in the same manner’. The more successful days I had the easier it got, and the same is happening this time.

I know they say that we should not put emphasis on the scales but I do and that spurs me on. Granted, it fustrated me when they were not going down and - God forbid - when they were going up, but I knew that was because I was overeating. It is about being honest with yourself. If you restrict your calories and work out, there is no reason (unless medical) for the scales not to work in your favour. Sorry, you’ve got self-rightous Groovybabe back!

I have a doctor’s appointment in less than an hour to get to the bottom of my lethergy. I am a bit nervous as I have not been to the doctor’s in ages, but will be pleased to try and get to the bottom of it. I am really really missing being so active. That said, I have been taking more walks down the seafront near my house in order to get any exercise in, which is better mentally for me than looking at a wall inside a badly-lit gym!

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I woke up with my stomach feeling solid and sore but that was not too bad once I went to toilet. I am not feeling full of energy today but I am going to go to the gym and see how far I get with it. I am also going to make a doctors appointment today. No, really. I am.

I was feeling really down yesterday so it makes it all the more special that I had a good day and night. Now I am just going to think, I did it yesterday, I can do it today. And take one day at a time. I am determined to see the scales fall down again. I just want to get to 13.0, well 12.13, at the moment, which is less than 2 stone so I do not see why I cannot do this.

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