Groovybabe

I am torn between giving up on this journal now, and seeing it through to the end (until I am at my target weight). I’m not really feeling it these days like I used to. In the beginning I got a lot out of writing about my journey, and the comments you left, but now my weightloss is very much incorporated into my lifestyle rather than my lifestyle being incorporated into my weightloss, as it was in the beginning. This means I do not give my weightloss the thought or attention that I once did because I no longer feel the need to. At the moment I really just eat what and when I feel like it and through all the walking and gym (when I go) I do seem to be slowly dwindling on the scales. The weight is coming off a lot more slowly now but I am fine with that because a)loose skin is a problem and I want to counter that which means slow weightloss and b) I actually have a life now I am not morbidly obese and urgent weightloss is not at the top of my agenda now, I am more interested in living my life and working towards being healthier.

That said, I had another big night last night and am not feeling very healthy right now!

This week I have been sleeping terribly. I have been taking Nytol to help me to sleep, but waking up every hour or so and sub-consciously eating my way through anything immediately edible in the kitchen! It has been driving me to distraction. I have to try to break that habit.

I didn’t go to the gym much this week. I get so tired from not sleeping properly, and the last thing I want to do is go to the gym in those circs. But I need to! I am going to make more of an effort this week, I think.

A friend of mine is doing a 6-mile run for charity and told me yesterday that she has not been training for it at all!

“OMG!”, I exclaimed, “do you know just how far 6 miles is??!”

She says she knows, but I have my birthday celebrations the night before so I will be surprised if she manages it at all to be honest!

I saw another friend last night, a male friend. I used to have a huge crush on him about ten years ago. He was gorgeous. But time has not been kind. He has put on a lot of weight. I was shocked how low his esteem had fallen. Ten years ago you couldnt touch his confidence, no one loved him more than he did! But all night last night he kept going on and on about how fat he had gotten. I told him to go on a diet if it bothers him that much but he wasnt interested. I know if you’re overweight and struggle to diet is one thing, I mean at least you’re trying, but I really don’t understand people who feel their lives are worse off because they are big and yet don’t WANT to put the effort in. Obesity is an interesting psychological disorder.

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